Topical Jokes: 05/29/2020

  • Las Vegas plans to reopen in one week. The decision was made by its city council, or as they’re more commonly known, The Blue Man group.

  • A Russian barber performed over 90 haircuts in a 48-hour marathon. It was only supposed to be one haircut but every time he tried closing a new customer would walk in. 

  • The 124th Boston Marathon has been officially scrapped in exchange for a virtual race. And with that, a prestigious test of endurance will now be won by the person who can trick their fitbit into believing that they are taking the most steps. 

  • Japan theme parks are reopening with new covid-19 rules and no screaming is allowed. As a result, their haunted house attraction has been converted into a quaint Airbnb.  

  • Tomorrow, two astronauts will be the first US astronauts to go to space in over a decade. In other words, they are taking social distancing very seriously.

Published by Jake Mattera

Jake Mattera was a finalist at the Boston Comedy Festival and he is a 3x finalist at Helium Comedy’s Philly’s Phunniest competition. Jake has acted in sketches that have appeared on CONAN and he is featured regularly as a guest on Philadelphia’s top radio shows. He has been invited to perform at many prestigious festivals all over the country, including: Big Sky Comedy Festival, Laughing Skull Comedy Festival, Limestone Comedy Festival, San Francisco Sketchfest, HBO’s Women In Comedy Festival, and more. He has opened for: Dave Attell, Nate Bargatze, Ron Funches, and Roy Wood Jr. among others. You can follow Jake on Twitter @JakeMattera.

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