Topical Jokes: 7/6/2020

  • Last weekend after Kanye West released a new album, he announced that he was running for president. Don’t get excited, the American people would never elect a president who is so erratic, so narcissistic, and so polarizing. 

  • Last weekend, hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut set a new world record of eating 75 hot dogs. And those who attended his barbecue are furious.

  • Uber has agreed to buy Postmates for $2.65 billion. But it’s closer to $3.5 billion when you factor in the taxes, the service fee & delivery fee.

  • Today, for his 85th birthday. the Dalai Lama released an album. Which means that later this week he’ll announce that he is running for president. 

  • Donald Trump said that, if he is reelected, he will establish a “National Garden of American Heroes” that will pay tribute to some of the most prominent figures in US history, like George Washington, Harriet Tubman, and Jack Bauer.

  • Everyone is okay but 19 people were injured after a tree fell during a child’s birthday party. As the paramedics arrived, the kids asked, “can we open presents now?”

  • Today is the Dalai Lama’s 85th birthday. And today we learned that monks do NOT appreciate his drive-by birthday parade.

Published by Jake Mattera

Jake Mattera was a finalist at the Boston Comedy Festival and he is a 3x finalist at Helium Comedy’s Philly’s Phunniest competition. Jake has acted in sketches that have appeared on CONAN and he is featured regularly as a guest on Philadelphia’s top radio shows. He has been invited to perform at many prestigious festivals all over the country, including: Big Sky Comedy Festival, Laughing Skull Comedy Festival, Limestone Comedy Festival, San Francisco Sketchfest, HBO’s Women In Comedy Festival, and more. He has opened for: Dave Attell, Nate Bargatze, Ron Funches, and Roy Wood Jr. among others. You can follow Jake on Twitter @JakeMattera.

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