Topical Jokes: 7/7/2020

  • Harvard will hold all classes online next year but still charge full tuition. Meanwhile, community colleges said just pay us half and we’ll say you went here. 

  • The US is considering banning TikTok. This would strictly be a policy decision and NOT because the President has been struggling to learn one of the dances. 

  • The NFL’s Player Association President JC Tretter Says the NFL is not prioritizing safety amid COVID-19 concerns. He was immediately brought into the concussion protocol tent and never seen again.

  • Matthew McConaughey told fans to “wear a damn mask” so that “we can start partying again” his fans agreed, saying “alright alright alright” 

  • Harvard will hold all classes online next year but still charge full tuition. The school is being sued by University of Phoenix for copyright infringement.

Published by Jake Mattera

Jake Mattera was a finalist at the Boston Comedy Festival and he is a 3x finalist at Helium Comedy’s Philly’s Phunniest competition. Jake has acted in sketches that have appeared on CONAN and he is featured regularly as a guest on Philadelphia’s top radio shows. He has been invited to perform at many prestigious festivals all over the country, including: Big Sky Comedy Festival, Laughing Skull Comedy Festival, Limestone Comedy Festival, San Francisco Sketchfest, HBO’s Women In Comedy Festival, and more. He has opened for: Dave Attell, Nate Bargatze, Ron Funches, and Roy Wood Jr. among others. You can follow Jake on Twitter @JakeMattera.

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